October 1, 2022

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Realtors keep pestering me. They say their software knows who I really am

5 min read
Realtors keep pestering me. They say their software knows who I really am
Snowing in New York

If the computer software says it is really true, it must be.


Getty Illustrations or photos/iStockphoto

Know-how and annoyance have formed a at times unreasonable partnership.

a lot more Technically Incorrect

If you know someone’s telephone number, email tackle, or social media, you can commence tossing messages at them. At will.

Be sure to forgive me, but there came a point when I’d experienced plenty of.

For several years, numerous New York realtors have been contacting me and leaving voicemails. Each one particular requested me if I wished to market my house in Greenpoint.

Each and every voicemail would start off with anything together the strains of: “I see you personal the assets at….”

Each time, I would search at the handy Apple transcription of the voicemail and then trash it.

You see, I don’t own a assets in Greenpoint. Or any place in New York, for that make any difference. I have hardly ever owned a residence in Greenpoint. Or any place in New York, for that make any difference.

Still in some way these people believe I do. Even however I do not have a New York place code mobile phone number. I very last lived in New York 14 several years back.

A couple of weeks ago, I confess I cracked a very little.

You see, a single of these high-quality New York realtors texted me. It began like this: “Howdy, Mr. Matyszczyk. My identify is Johnny Flimflam with Dunderhead Realty. I am a broker below in NYC.” (Yes, I am not naming him or his realty’s authentic name.)

Flimflam continued: “I am reaching out to you because I see you personal the residence 2021 Realtorssmell Avenue.” (Yet again, not the authentic deal with.)

Normally, Flimflam preferred to know if I was fascinated in offering it, as he experienced two or a few customers who would surely want to acquire it.

It truly is The Software, Stupid. Or The Silly Software package.

For the 1st time, I responded to a New York realtor.

“Exactly where did you get this amount?” I requested, anticipating some sort of thoughtful reaction. Goodness, did I get one particular.

“My team and I have accessibility to software that lets us to get facts of NYC assets owners,” spelled out Flimflam. “We use this only for the sole intent of furnishing the ideal for our client’s commercial true estate wants. No information is provided out or shared.”

I suspect 1 or two of you may perhaps want to parse this Flimflammery. So Dunderhead Realty has some type of (legal? illegal?) accessibility to software that right away tells its fine brokers who owns what. This info is by no means, ever shared. Apart from, most likely, with its individual employees and shoppers.

Please forgive me, but I was now outside of perplexed, heading towards verbal headbuttery.

I replied: “The very best for your clientele, eh? Your software is clearly not pretty good.” Nicely, I could have applied a stronger phrase than “not very good.” (I hope you can forgive me.)

I imagined that Flimflam would pause for assumed, possibly even offer some type of confusion or even apology.

Instead, he texted this: “So, I’m assuming this is Caroline.”

I was tempted to reply: “So, I’m assuming Dunderhead Realty is aptly named, Flimflam.” But I responded: “Caroline? Caroline Who?”

Immediately came his rationalization: “Caroline Weatherhaven.”

Indeed, I have altered the title he really gave far too, for the reason that he named anyone I dated. Fourteen a long time in the past.

The Application Generally Understands Very best.

What form of key software package was this? What type of software package salesperson experienced made available clearly a lot more than one New York realtor entry to this misbegotten bilge? The software knew whom I’d dated fourteen a long time in the past, but hadn’t obtained a clue that I failed to individual any house in New York.

“So, very first you refer to me as Mr. Matyszczyk and now your superb computer software has made the decision I am Caroline Weatherhaven?” I replied.

Even below, there might have been a opportunity for a decorous exit on his element. As an alternative, he did not reply.

I have a belief that those people who pester by textual content or telephone could not know what it feels like. So I waited a few of several hours and despatched him a further textual content: “So, who am I now? Pope Francis? Manu Ginobili? The makeup artist for Regulation And Purchase SVU?”

Last but not least, there arrived a supremely elegant reaction from Johnny Flimflam: “You are a loser who has no lifetime seemingly lmao.”

Ah, New York, it’s as if I under no circumstances left you.

So, I utilized some advanced software — it is really known as Google — to see that Flimflam is, certainly, a broker with an allegedly fancy New York realty firm. He’s praised on its website for his professionalism and, oh, his awareness to detail.

But I conclude up wondering just how much individuals have ceded to application, devoid of bothering to question it.

Flimflam did not even quit to assume his computer software may perhaps have been mistaken. He did not question why he was contacting another person in California. My tone surely instructed him he was unlikely to make a sale, even if I experienced been the operator of this home.

Rather, he trusted his software program so substantially that, on learning I wasn’t who he assumed I was, right away convinced himself I need to be my ex-girlfriend from extra than a ten years ago. Simply because, presumably, his software instructed him that was the only selection.

Clearly, Dunderhead Realty is not alone in “owning entry to” these kinds of really clever software program. Obviously, I won’t be able to be on your own in getting such relocating pesterings.

Nevertheless we are now in a world the place the computer software defines us, irrespective of any human believed-process that could possibly question no matter if that program is essentially right.

It can be a little dunderheaded, isn’t it?

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